[10/8/07] favre.

A poem by Luke G.

How do I favre thee?
favre. favre. favre...

favre.

We love you, bert favor.
We love you because our lives are hollow and meaningless and we've attached our egos to you and somehow when you throw a touchdown pass...it makes us feel superior to other people, even though we're big, fat, ugly, toothless hicks.

favre.

You’re not just a guy, you're John Madden's guy. BOOM! That’s good enough for us.

favre.

You’re not even human. Sure, you didn't end nuclear proliferation or cure cancer, but you won the superbowl 11 seasons ago, and that makes you the best human being ever born. F*cking ever.

favre.

We know you are about to set the record for most interceptions all time. But we choose to ignore all those f*ck ups, just like we ignore our own, because we are from Wisconsin and instead of facing ourselves in the mirror, we choose to drink and drink and drink and drink and make asses of ourselves when we visit other people's cities.

favre.

Because when Randy Moss fake moons us, we pretend it's NOT because we group moon the opposing team's bus on the way out of the parking lot...well, when we win anyway.

We’re fat alcoholics.
We love favre.
We hate everyone else.

favre.

We heard that your dad died. Instead of collapsing into nonexistence like the rest of us maggots...you decided to keep your job! Let that be a lesson to the rest of us. When bad things happen in life, know that it is just the favre teaching us the secrets of one of life's great mysteries...like Gandhi or Martin Luther King...except better.

favre.

Even when you were hooked on pain pills, we ignored reports that you are kind of an assh*le in public. We love you so much it hurts...why don't you love us back?
#4 forever.

favre.

There’s something about Mary.

favre.

favre. favre. favre...

favre.

I can't wait until Sunday so I can listen to Joe Buck describe the sweet way your balls gently swoosh in his mouth during post game press conferences, where we all get to have a nice cry.

favre.

You are my golden sunshine pony riding a rainbow to the stars.
favre! Take me away!

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