The Art of Living. Joe KickAss Style.
When it comes to passing out, there are several ways to
do it. Is there a right way? The universally accepted method is to drink
and drink until you feel a little too fucked up. Then find a spot on the
floor to pass out with a beer resting on your belly for a quick, convenient
breakfast.
Another way to go is the campfire method. Two main ingredients: Booze, campfire. This method is time tested and guaranteed to hurt in the morning. First off you need to position your chair in such a way that you will land about where you're going to sleep. One of my favorites is to sleep in a bed of ashes around the rim of the fire...warm, soft, and completely unsafe.
Often times, however, the inebriated person finds themselves too drunk to pick a quality spot, and simply falls off of his or her camping chair to take a nice nap in a pool of their own vomit.
A late night rainstorm is the perfect accompaniment if you choose this method. Of course, the old "sleep in an ugly stranger's bed naked" method is one of the better known and commonly practiced ways to end a hard core drinking session. It's funny, why do strangers always sleep naked? Weird.
All of these pass out practices have their places in the hallowed drunk-ass
hall of fame. I mean, if there were such a place. I think there should
be. In fact, I am going to build one now that I've thought of it. The
ways the inebriated individual chooses to sleep are as varied as the microbrews
they drink.
But, if you want to raise the bar to new levels, you know who to look to for guidance. There is only one man who does it the way the beer gods intended it.
Say it with me kids:
Joe KickAss.
If you're drinking at a kitchen table, simply drink and drink and drink until your consciousness just sort of stops, you'll be in the sitting position, holding your drink, ready to tip it back as soon as the body is willing. No wasted motion or risk of beer spillage. Magnificent!
You can join any conversation at any time by waking up, drinking, and
laughing at whatever's going on. All this while keeping your mind steadily
refreshed...wow. Just...wow. His next move I hear is to find a way too
actually party while he sleeps...I, for one, can hardly wait.