[9/8/06] Welcome to Mexico, or how to get fleeced in 10 different ways

Well we have made it to Mexico, and contrary to popular belief neither I nor Rachel was detained at the border for being Gringos. The week started on Sunday, a few short days after leaving the final Special Export away game (def; when a volleyball team seasons over, we all go out and get drunk). That morning was tinged with excitement as Rachel and I finished are last minute packing. And hopped in the truck for what would be the last time we rode in a car with AC for the next 4 months.

We arrived at the airport and hour and half early. Now, the tickets say right on them that you should show up at least three hours early for an international flight. But her parents assured us that was not the case. On arriving to the airport, I was relieved and excited to see that we were one of maybe five people in the whole damn place (Hallelujah! Hubert H. Humphrey terminal). We had our bags checked and were waiting no less then 20 minutes from stepping in the front door. As we sat there and I contemplated the ease with which the trip was going, a monumentous idea came to my meager mind. I turned to Rachel and said “We should upgrade to first class. After all that is what Big Ballers do!”. Rachel, who is not educated in the likes of Big Balling, was at first skeptical. “How do you do such a thing” she remarked.

After some finagling like only a man who wanted the luxury of free booze can do, I had us hooked up. And for $75 a person (Sun Country Airlines rules) we were living the fat cat life in first class. Now I have been in first class many times before, but this was all new to Rachel. She didn’t understand that we were now allowed to do whatever it is we wanted.

The flight itself was great; we were given lots of booze and lots of pretty decent food. On a side not I am pretty sure the man who was sitting next to me was Mr. C from happy days (sorry no pictures).

We arrived at the airport in Mexico around <insert time here>, had our luggage and were threw customs not more then 20 minutes after we landed. And that my friend is when the fleecing began. You see Rachel and I do not speak Spanish, I have taken Spanish twice in high school, heck it was the same class both times. With equal results “F”. So when we were ushered into the Suburban like Taxi I had forgotten the immortal Spanish phrase “Cuanto Questa?” which means “how much”. It wasn’t until we were about 5 blocks down the road that we remembered to inquire about how much the fare would be. Now we were under the impression it should be about $30 - $40. But the guy driving the Taxi thought otherwise. After some garbled Spanish on our parts he finally wrote down the price in American dollars… $75.. “Seventy Five bucks!” I shouted, not that he could understand me. After much haggling, while stopped in the middle of the street. We got him down to $50. Yep fifty bucks for a 12 mile drive. Mexicans 1 – Zach 0.

After arriving at the casita, we set out on getting some supplies. The problem being in Mexico on a Sunday night, there aint shit open. And I do mean shit. Lucky for us Rachel’s parents were nice enough to leave us two cases of beer, and a few bottles of tequila. Which I thought would be all we would need for a couple of days. Rachel being the smart one, pointed out that we should get some water and food as well. I reluctantly agreed and we made a run to a very small grocery store. On purchasing the food, the lady running the register (I only found this out later) would ring in an item, and then ring it in again. Therefore, charging us twice for the same item. Mexicans 2 – Zach 0.

Beaten by the Mexican fleecing, I retired to our casita and spent the night nursing a bottle of tequila while waiting for the beer to get cold.

The next few days were spent getting to know the area and eating at various restaurants. Now many people think that eating out in Mexico is a cheap thing, and that has been my experience in past visits. But here in Bucerias, that is not the case. Going out is actually pretty expensive, with a garden variety hamburger going for $10 (100 pesos) and a typical meal with a few beers averaging $40 with tip. So cooking at home was a must. However the house we are staying at ran out of natural gas, which made cooking a problem. To compound this cooking problem is the fact there are no “real” grocery stores in the area, just little mini-markets. No gas, no food, and a limited amount of money, with our beer supply running low, things were looking bleak. The gas man was scheduled to come on Tuesday morning, to fill the gas tank. By my reckoning, that meant sometime next leap year. You see there is an infamous word in the Mexican vocabulary. That word is “mana” with this you can expect things to be delivered whenever they get around to it. Now the gas man did show up, just a day and half later than they said the would (and of course we still can’t get the damn pilot started on the water heater, not that you need hot water when its flipping 100 degrees outside). But I digress. We ended up finding a mini market with beer (Yeah! beer) and some other food stuffs good enough to made into something edible. Of course with this great luck came more fleecing. You see we grabbed a handful of items and two cases of beer. While standing in the line to check out, the 1930’s box of Corona I was holding finally gave way, with one of the beers falling threw the box onto the floor making a loud booming noise. Which I guess signaled to the guy running the register that we were either drunk or dumb, either way the fleecing was on. He started ringing this and that up, and when all was said and done, we somehow ran up a 608 peso bill ($60). I couldn’t figure out how this was possible, but had to accept it since I just broken a beer bottle in the middle of the store. Once I got home I checked the receipt and even the items with price tags on them, of which there were few, did not show on up the receipt. And of course there were more items on the receipt than we purchased. Another day in Mexico.

Final tally:
Mexicans 3 – Zach 0.

Next chapter: The sickening

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