When one begins to realize that they are weak and small compared to the size and strength of some men, they are comparing themselves to the awesomeness that is Zach. Few, that are ignorant and bull-headed, have tried and have ultimately failed. They couldn't match the supreme wisdom and they collapsed like mayflies after that fateful first and last pathetic day.

Our story begins on the mean streets of Harlem. Born a poor black child he discovered that life was not easy, nor fair. At the early age of 10 he stole his first car, then committed a hit-n-run before he robbed a pharmacy after he defrauded the government while being nude in a public bathroom. Bright days were far, far away.

But not that far, for Zach, at the tender age of 7, taught himself criminal law and defeated those bastard government pigs. Fresh on the street and ready to make anew Zach decided to take his skills and genius and do some good. That's when he began to created the legacy that is the pimping industry. Before Zach, women were sluttin themselves around making less than a dime per hour and usually getting screwed out of that. So before a group of comrades and street delegates Zach proclaimed, "Ya know, dem women be ho'in, weez needz ta protec dem an git a cut in 4 ouzelvez." Little did everyone know at the time but this thing called: "manipulating young girls into sleeping with other men for money or drugs or else they get the life beat out of them", latter changed to "pimping", would be a big cash crop for young street thugs. And Zach was at the top of the game.

After some time our brother Zach, while at the peak of his criminal history, came down with a nasty disease. No it wasn't one of those testicle things he got from his multiple encounters with street trash ho's. It was what doctors call jacksonatius de michelbobulation, a.k.a. the brother was turning white. And white did he become. Within two weeks he turned from night into day. He was shunned from his community and left with nowhere to go. All the man had left was his pimp mossimo gear and two low quality whores. He didn't even have access to his fortune because it lay in the deep blackness of his self and that was now stone cold white.

It was time for Zach to rebuild his credibility in the "honkie" community now. It was going to be a hard adjustment, because you see Zach grew up to hate the white man because of the oppression on his brothers people. Slowly and surely he began to adjust, when something started to happen to the style of the white man. In a club located in New York City Zach discovered he could become black all over again. This cultural phenomonen that sported big hair and platforms was the spark that lit Zachs new flame. He quickly went to his local clothing store and bought the new style. He also purchased himself a mirror and began to practice. For weeks and weeks he stood there in front of that mirror and preformed. He had to teach himself to loose all his funk and replace it with a mock up version of "white mans attempt to become funky". When he was finaly ready he coached himself outside of the club to give it his best half-ass effort and proceeded. That was when the Zach invented disco.

Yes disco was around already before Zach got into it. But then it was bland and choppy, with no funk. It needed the touch of a soul man to get it going. And what better than a white soul man. It gave the white man a feeling that they could do it to. Seeing one of their own moving and shaking better than the folk on Soul Train, everyone thought it was possible. Zach ruled dance floors all over America. One by one people would try to out dance him. It was almost god-like the way his ass would gyrate to the music, his pelvis thrusting out at women as if to say "here it is, and there it goes, here it is, and there it goes" over and over until they would collapse, dying of anticipation for his sweetness. One lady threw herself on to the floor and literally blew up for Zach boogied his way into her heart and then rocked her soul with his jive. Yes good times where a happening and it looked as if it could only get better.

But they didn't get better. You see disco was becoming sickening and no one cared for Zachs funk anymore. This thing called rap was becoming the big thing now. Zach decided to jump on this as he did with disco. That did not work. You see rap was from the street, where our hero once ruled, but being he was now whitey no one would listen to him spit his game. In fact no one wanted to hear him; they prevented him from everything. It was darkest of times for Zach.

With no one around and no chicks Zach turned to crack. He began abducting old women and pimping them out to pay for his habit. He would first smoke rock and then hunt for his prey. While hunting for his prey he would smoke more rock until he found what he was looking for. He had a system. He would first look for the blue hair, then the walker, and when he saw that they were hunched over like quassimoto, he would nab them. He would bring them back to his cardboard box, smoke more rock, and then torment them into submission, sometimes getting a taste for himself. Once they became his minions for sex he would smoke rock and begin his pimping. Of course it is kinda hard to pimp old women, so Zach had to look for the drunks and weirdeos. But they rarely had enough to keep Zach supplied so he turned to counterfieting rubbers. Using old rubbers from his day job and the soles of used shoes he began melting them into a goo, during which he would smoke some rock, then pour it over a hot dog for the mold then sell them to drunks and weirdeos.

But to his misfortune he got caught. He spent the next five years in prison for unlawful exhibition of the elderly and misuse of hot dogs. In prison he conquerd his crack habit by smoking other things, like weed. He did his time respectfully and was released on bail to begin anew. Now Zach lives a somewhat clean life. He takes his vitamins and smokes his grass. He now works as a man whore for a big corporation and gets paid respectively. And every once and a while he get a feeling of charity and wants to share so...